Assassin's Creed Unity : Dead Kings DLC

Arno is sad. he lost his girlfriend, got fired, and also the french revolution, or whatever. he’s so done with all this Paris stuff and that’s where Dead Kings comes in. the DLC released for free as an apology for all Unity’s issues takes place in the murky city of franciade (modern-day saint Denis) as arno stealths his way through tunnels, caves and catacombs.

Franciade is dull and foggy, and where synchronising in Paris gave us a stunning 360 of a gorgeous city, here it only fills us with dread as we scan the grey, boring horizon and realise there’s nothing to see. this is mostly because the action takes place underground but that’s where it gets worse.

The camera is clingy and claustrophobic, making it tricky to see what’s going on and oh, look at that, you died throwing a bomb at yourself. a new enemy system means quantity over quality: you’ll be swarmed by hordes of angry raiders led by one big ‘leader’ kill him and the rest scarper for no good reason. well, the reason could be arno’s terrifying yet hilarious guillotine gun, which is half-axe, half-cannon, all-ridiculous.

It’s a reminder of everything we didn’t like about a game we did like

Amongst all this mediocre new content, there’s a sort-of heartwarming story about arno’s reluctant friendship with a cheeky orphan a lumbering attempt to make the sad protagonist confront his feelings.

You know what our feelings are? we feel like this is a reminder of everything we didn’t like about a game we did like: it’s glitchy, confusing, dull and fiddly. the guillotine gun was fun, but the puzzles and maze-like tunnels made us curse the day arno ever donned his hidden blades.